Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Burying the hatchet- Part2

The room was filled with a monotonous buzzing; she sat there with her neck bent as the artist was working on her neck. She was restless the entire day, not knowing whether it was the anxiety of getting scarred for life or whether it was what would follow after that.

Sitting there she thought of how the last one month had been. It was like a whirlwind of events. Every moment of theirs was a framed memory that would pop out even if she dint want it to. Like the night she was so high and tipsy, she had blurted out to him about who he really was,  she knew he hated her for being rude, but she knew nothing would hurt him, she had carved her initials on his arm, she couldn’t walk without his support but dint want help until she fell down at the parking lot. He just couldn’t stop giggling looking at her hooting in the middle of the road, and swaying with her as he walked her to her house. She lived every moment with him to the fullest because she knew it would never exist later.

Like the date they went to, after 6 years. Something they never did even at college. He had planned it all perfectly. Right from picking her up, to surprising her with chocolates, to the long drive, and to his favorite restaurant which he takes all the important people in his life to.  She wouldn’t forget it for ages to come, because in spite of the relationships in her life this was her first date. And she was happy it was with him.

Like the evening he had sneaked out of a family function just to catch up with her for a snack, he was  dressed in a kurta she had chosen for him and she was dressed in a saree. He had thrown a lot of compliments at her, something that rarely happens.

When you throw a pebble into water small circles would appear where the pebble falls, which grows and grows until they touch say, a passing duck and it had nothing to do with the pebble.  Instead of being afraid of that unexpected wave, the duck decides to play with it. One such pebble is thrown into her life. She felt the vibrations of that pebble. So what now? She could carry on like nothing had happened, but She could also, like the duck on the lake, have fun and take pleasure in that sudden ripple that set the water rocking.  A lot of people are frightened because, when this happens, it demolishes all the old things it finds in its path. No one wants their life thrown into chaos. That is why a lot of people keep that threat under control, and is somehow capable of sustaining a house or a structure that is already rotten. Other people think exactly the opposite: they surrender themselves without a second thought, hoping to find in passion the solutions to all their problems. They make the other person responsible for their happiness and blame them for their possible unhappiness. They are either euphoric because something marvelous has happened or depressed because something unexpected has just ruined everything.

That is exactly what she did, she gave in. She gave in, with the knowledge that it had no future, and so she wanted to leave it at a beautiful note. And today was that beautiful day. She had give him a choice and he had made it clear he wanted no part of it. She now knew they stood no chance; it was beautiful as long as it lasted. She would put it all behind and move on!! After all that is what the tattoo her artist was working on her neck, signified, a new beginning, a change, a new chapter!!

It was a deal they would both get their tattoo done on the last day and go separate ways.  He was getting his done in the memory of his dad, but said the letters carved would remind him off her. A scar to remind them of each other.  Hers was done and she joined him in the next room .

They leave the studio together, she knows in the next few hours this would be over.  End of the good time they shared. They went to the place where they had celebrated their first anniversary .It was his choice again. Ironic, that they had to end the relationship at a place they had once celebrated the relationship.

On and off emotions bottled up ready to flow from her eyes, but she donned the armor of a willful woman. It was a roof-top restaurant with a great view of the city and ambience of a dhabba. There was sorrow in the occasional silence that crept between conversations. The dhaba had a gazal singer performing tonight. He was singing old romantic hindi numbers. It was perfect for an 80’s flick, a sad couple going through a rough phase sitting at a table and the camera slides from the singer to the couple’s expression. Alas life isn’t a movie, there are no happy endings like in the movies.

They ride back home aware this might be the last time they see each other, last time they would be together. As time drew closer her heart beat faster, and the stomach felt queer. Enough was said between the two of them, enough was shared between the two of them, they hugged like there would be no more, kissed like it was the last time, held hands like they wouldn’t let go. But she wanted more of it. It never was enough. For her it never will be.

She just couldn’t take it anymore, she opens the door of the car and walks’ away knowing this was the end, Tears finally won over her willful armor and she let them flow endlessly.  Her goodbye was incomplete but she knew that the fragrance would stay, that the touch will be remembered, that every moment would be cherished.

From updates per minute to no sms, from meeting frequently to never seeing each other, it sure was going to be difficult. She din’t know then that the damage done was beyond repair. She thought she had done it before; she would be able to do it again. Like the duck that just enjoyed the ripples that gave it a short lived fun and pleasure, would she move away unaffected by all of it?

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